Endings...

Well, here we are, December 31st again.

So what.

#44 - When your parents die, let yourself grieve, then carry on their legacy.
(from my 50 things i learned on the way to 50)

In tribute to my dead dad, I went out this year on December 24th on a special mission. It was to carry on the Helem family tradition of watching the last minute Christmas shoppers scramble at the mall. It was all quite amusing until a harried, half blind 100 year old girl in an off road vehicle smashed in to the front end of my car in the parking lot, while I was sitting in it.

And you know what i did? I simply drove away.

That was four days ago and I still can't check the front end of my car for damage...

Laura's Christmas Fireplace

Beautiful.

Well, it's 5am Christmas Eve morning, my house is still quiet, everything is pretty much done and it's kind of nice to reflect...

My dad used to go out every year on this Christmas eve day to the stores. Not to shop, he was an accountant, well prepared and always on time - but simply to watch amused as other people raced the holiday clock. Of course, he had no sympathy either for idiots who ran their fuel tanks on empty and were caught gas-less at the side of the road. I learned a lot from him - and even though he's long gone now, I still run my own gas tank on E for as long as I can just to bait him.

My mom approached Christmas with all the wonder of a kid. I remember late one Christmas eve, having finally fallen asleep after hours of tossing in excitement, she snuck in to wake me to see the first snow fall of the year. It was magical. It was also the same year my brother found his first 10 speed bike under the tree. He was so thrilled he even got a little emo. And even more emo yet when he discovered he'd have to test drive it in the basement because of the snow. I think he's still bitter.

And somewhere, there's least 15 years of home movies, 'produced' by my dad, of my brother & me emerging from our bedrooms on Christmas morning. Same clip every year. We always pretended we'd just rolled out of bed, but really we'd already been prepped like movie stars. Brushed teeth, scrubbed, curls combed out - feigning absolute annual surprise at the Christmas tree surrounded with gifts. Somehow it never grew old.

***

I don't really know how it happens, maybe we just grow up or grow cynical or something, but it's easy to lose the wonder of this season. And in the stress and drama of life, forget how very much there is celebrate. The past, the future, the people we love and have loved, our successes and not so successes and all the things we learn along the way...

(...oh i have to stop now, before i make myself sick...)

Anyways, my car's on E, Superstore is open 24 hours, and I think I'm going to go out and watch the harried shoppers. And who knows, maybe tonite it will snow. (plz no!)

Merry Christmas.

Baaaah. Shitmas.

Fucking Snow.

Haiku's are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

The Last Hurrah...

So, this is it. The final day of the final gig at the Dog.
Except it doesn't feel like a hurrah at all.

Red Shoes & Green Roses

So I'll explain briefly before I launch into what might seem like total nonsense.

I've always loved red shoes. Besides the way they look, they remind me of two things; moving confidently forward and as a signal to pay attention to where I'm headed.

I've recently become a lover of wild lime green roses. They remind to live inspired, outside the box.

At Christmas I always find myself stressed, bogged and squelched. The following is a little mixed up as far as poetic rhythm goes - but life is a little mixed up anyhow...

Red Shoes & Green Roses

It'd be nice living life
Just through rose coloured glasses
No roadblocks or pitfalls. No coming disasters.
No smashes, or clashes or nasty red rashes
Or brothers emitting those bad smelly gases

Some days you find yourself aching & illed
Splayed on the sidewalk, your veggies all spilled
The knee of your white pants is bloodied and ripped
The fart you imagined turns out to be sh-t

The mole on your back looks suspicious for cancer
And 9 freaking days it will take for the answer
Your gut wont stop churning, your eyelid is twitching
You're itchy and antsy and freaking and sckitzing

But don't lie in bed & resort to the blues
Go buy some green roses and wear your red shoes...

Remember that some days are peaches & cream
Bravos & hand shakes, frontlining the team
Others are terrible grave misadventures
Dog breath & hemorrhoids & chipping your dentures
Bank charges, credit checks, art being censored...

But you have to allow for extremes in your schemes
Everything isn't the way that it seems...
At the end of the day, don't let go of your dreams

Indulge in green roses and raspberry shoes
And a little white wine - it's the reason for booze
You master disaster by calling its ruse.
However you feel is the way that you choose.

Christmas 1964

My mom and me.