Monday, August 31, 2009

I sat down on the couch on the back deck this morning, opened my computer and suddenly noticed in spite of the sun and early morning warmth ~ everything was soaked in September dew. My brother commented last week that it's crane flies that mark Autumn's arrival for him. There's a few things for me I guess, my pool is a green scummed swamp, my bank book is suffering from back to school shopping and I develop a vague growing under sense of anxiety about fall's change of routine.

I opened an email from sitemeter this morning too. I removed the annoying embedded meter months ago, because since the popularity of blogging has declined, so have the people who visit. Sitemeter still insists on sending me email activity reports tho' to remind me of my personal unpopularity. Usually I toss them unopened, but feeling a little masochistic this morning, I looked. Big Fat Zero visits this past week. Z-E-R-O. If I measured my self worth by that, I'd have to go out and buy a lot of chocolate and alcohol... Instead, however, I realize I'm writing a personal journal here now, and can therefore say whatever the fuck I want. Ahhh, sweet freedom.

Anyways, back to my growing under sense of anxiety, because it's one of my fav topics... I have this terrible suspicion when summer winds to it's close next week, my family goes back to school and the BD doors are still not open, I'm going to go slowly, surely crazy again. Crazy like 80 mgs of prozac/1 large bottle of cider everyday crazy. Lonely crazy. My life reduced to nothing but checking the computer, writing blogs & hoping to god someone comments crazy ~ or worse, checking for cancer and thinking I'm going die crazy...

I can wax pretty eloquent about the future of the Bad Dog and on a good day, even believe it.

But today, today I'm kinda scared...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Two new posts and they were both excellent!!
I am still here and visited many times in the last week. The site meter is fucked.
The Lurker